Well how odd.



Im going through some major changes. Ive looked at myself now and just six months ago. Im a totally different person.



6 months ago: Hung up over a couple of guys, feeling very lonely and unwanted. Having major confidence issues and insecurities over the opposite sex.



Then, shall we say, I went to a good few parties and had a fling or two. Sure, they boosted my confidence temporarily, but I still had that hollow feeling afterwards. After all, you might feel great getting with a totally hot guy at a party (and heaven only knows they make you feel wanted at the time, with the lines they spin), but that excitement disappears instantly when they blank you next morning. And the really depressing thing is that this detachment seems to happen regardless of how much you liked them and how far you went. OK so now I sound like a whore would like to point out that Im a virgin and wouldnt dream of losing it at a party, or with someone Ive just met. But even making out sucks when it means nothing.



So just what is the point? I realised it had got to the point where I felt really depressed if I went ANYWHERE aside from the mundane WITHOUT getting with a guy. But if nothing decent ever comes from it, then why bother?



This is the conclusion Ive come to. So from now on Im having a break from guys. When I go to a party I dont want it to be about guys. When I meet new people I dont want it to be about guys.



And this weekend I proved to myself that I can have a great time, even if I dont find some lad. I dont mean to say that Im giving up on guys, but for the moment I dont want to be that blonde girl that got passed around when she was pissed. I really am not interested in kissing someone who wont remember my name in the morning, or anything that isnt going anywhere for that matter. Id like to think Im worth more than that.



So a fresh start